The worst example was my date with Joe. We had only exchanged a few sentences when he suggested we meet at a dive bar. I am open to visiting you up north for short periods of time. I find my pants, one shoe, and my keys in a nearby alley, but my wallet and phone are gone. I put on my pants and one shoe, then I run inside to grab a baseball bat I saw earlier. I partly blame myself for what happened You can read that winning story at the end of this feature, and more horrifyingly hilarious tales of love—where else?
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What do you want out of this? He came to meet me but lived in Salem. I told him I was fine as my wrist throbbed. I can be your housekeeper when we travel or when you are in SoCal.
I woke up at 2 or 3 am to find him sleepily taking care of himself. When I arrived, he was at a table with a half dozen of his friends. I have three boy roommates. When I got to his place, his living room was full of workout equipment and woodworking tools.
I was livid during karaoke, and despite his urging I did not sing. Lol anyway.
I yelped in pain, and Joe ran from the other side of the car, embraced, and then kissed me. He had spiky brown hair and glasses. I would go on dating apps, meet guys, and if they seemed polite after a couple messages, I would meet them in person. One night in my mid 20s, I met up with a woman from the internet at my favorite local bar.
I find the lovers fighting in a nearby park. My phone is destroyed, and my wallet is empty. I met a cute, sarcastic redhead on Tinder. Driving home, I flagged down a cop so I could report the incident. Me: Looks like your budding biz is going to need to hire me a local manny. The last mutually beneficial relationship I was in, the woman loved having me as her eye candy and sex toy. The problem was I was too nice and stayed in uncomfortable situations way longer than I should have. He looked at me, dejected, and got dressed.
War stories from the wild world of online dating
I was visiting a friend in California and matched with a guy online. I seldomly used OkCupid but found a cute guy. I had a Scotch egg. I was 23, a super-hot babe. Okay, whatever.
He walks, at bat-point, to where he threw my wallet and phone. I finally got a ride back to my car where he asked me what I was doing the next night.
To top it off, there are two women on the other side of the room making out, MDMA all over the table. If you can imagine pushing something that suddenly comes to a complete stop, you might be able to imagine how doing this caused my thumb to jerk back and sprain my wrist. I felt I had to pretend to know him in order to make him look good in front of his friends.
When we arrived, he said his passenger door handle was broken on the outside, and he instructed me to close the door with the handle lifted so it would lock. And I get yet another person to support, someone to drag along on my adventures, as well as being forced into monogamy with a guy using me for cash and sex?
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We've all seen what happens to communities when reporting disappears and falsehoods take root. I was expecting him to be alone, but he motioned for me to sit next to him. Guess what?
We met up at a cute little English-themed bar in NE Portland you know the one. What amount works for you? I want to share my love and appreciation.
Once I start becoming a profitable trader, I do plan on teaching the woman who invests in me as well. I also plan on using some of my allowance to CrossFit so that I get bigger, stronger, and sexier for you. Since online dating brings a fair share of complications to the search for love, we asked Mercury readers to submit their weirdest, wildest true stories of their experiences looking for romance on the internet.
It was great. If you want me to be your SoCal boy toy, I can do that.
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Or to put a finer point on it, he was whacking off next to me. YOU are an essential part of what we do. So if you believe our mission is important and necessary, please consider a small monthly contribution to the Mercuryand we'll keep working hard for you and those who need it most! It never got to the date stage, but I sure did find our chat entertaining. I tell him to empty his pockets, and I take all the cash, calling for a ride to my car from his phone.
We each had about three drinks over the course of three hours. On our second date, he suggested we watch a movie. I told him I was going to a concert with friends, and immediately blocked his. Sounds amazing. He was thin, but kind of built. Finally, the bedroom door opens and they go outside to talk.
So this man I was young. I should have run—but no, I went with him and his friends to the next bar for karaoke. I was naive. Me: So you get money, travel, and regular sex.
That’s “brian” for you
He invited himself over for a beer, and I wanted a ride home While on my sofa he revealed that he was definitely too tired and tipsy to drive to Salem. I should have known better. I f love is a battlefield, the war is being waged online. At this point, I snap.
Cupid or conman? decoding the online dating scam
He was charming. An elderly man walks up to a bus stop near me, we lock eyes for second, he shakes his head and walks away. Simply put, without recurring monthly contributions from readers like you, it's impossible to provide the high quality journalism that protects the marginalized and holds the powerful able.
So I stood up, went to the bathroom, and gathered the courage to ask him to please leave. What would make this work for you? He was smart and fun. Also, how much of an allowance are you thinking?
So there I am, sitting in my underwear with her on my lap, when the door slams open and in storms some guy with a dog on a leash barking its head off and lunging at us. The ex threw them out the window! Two years later, at a crisp and young 25, I got a random Facebook message request: It was our friend Brian.
She runs home, in tears, the second she gets a chance, and he tries to follow her but I quickly step in his way. Preferably one that can cook. But I was new to Portland, single, and eager to meet new people.